Thanksgiving 2016, It feels like the end of an era. Im not sure if I should breathe a sign of relief, or mourn it's passing. Im in emotional limbo about it all at the moment.

This is the year my son inherited the family curse. Arguing over the Holiday agenda. Her family has this thing going on, our family had another thing going on, both want to celebrate with their folks, and it becomes a tug of war that no one really wins.

I don't want to do that to my children. I don't want to make them fight with their spouse on their day off that is meant for enjoying family. I don;t want to make them chose between their pleasing the spouse or pleasing me on a day that is meant for enjoying family. There is no joy in fighting with, or hurting the ones you love.

I know it is tradition to come together and surround yourself with your nearest and dearest on the holidays, and should be a wonderful tradition. But it is a tradition that sucks. I know some families are blessed with festive joy over the holiday gatherings, and everything just works out wonderfully for them, but it isn't the case with my family, and given the number of TV shows, and phone calls from the brother in-law who couldn't make it this year sadness at the holidays is rampant.

Tradition is defined as
noun

1. 1.

   the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or the fact of being passed on in this way.

   "every shade of color is fixed by tradition and governed by religious laws"

   synonyms:

   historical convention, unwritten law,
2. 2.

   THEOLOGY

   a doctrine believed to have divine authority though not in the scriptures, in particular.

The very definition is religious in nature according to Merriam-Webster, which sort of leaves you in a quandary doesn't it? Do you go by the law that governs all man, and respect the 10 commandments that say "honor thy father and mother" or do you respect the vow you made before God, to "love honor and cherish him til death do you part forsaking all others?"

As a loving parent, I feel like it is my job to make my children's lives a little easier, and this dilemma parent vs. spouse should be a non issue for them. I have always opted on the side of spending the rare time with my parents, because 1. they are busy and holidays are about the only time they stop to "play" family for a day, and 2. because I feel like my time with them is a lot less than my time with hubby and when they are gone I don't feel like I will have any regrets about missed opportunities the spend time with them. Hubby and I will have all the rest of those years to share holidays, and not to mention he and I share every other day of the year, so I don't really mind the parting of the ways for him to go be with his family that he rarely gets to enjoy, while I spend time with mine which i rarely get to enjoy.

I know my in laws must think I just don't like them, and that couldn't be farther from the truth, But I think it's more a case of hubby and I still want to once or twice a year go back in time and try one more time to have that something special with our mothers.

I think we kind of understand that about each other. At least I hope so.


All of this is to say, I learned a lot this year, about the fact that my family will never be the family I dream them up to be all the 364 other days of the year, and Ive learned that faking it for one day, doesn't not a family make, and I've  wasted a lot of years on people who can barely waste a day on me.. I've learned that I don't want to be that Holiday planning parent that causes her children grief on holidays choosing between her family and his, or his family vs hers, or which way to break God's heart.

I like to believe my children love me, and want to see me at least sometimes and in that fact I believe that I won't need a tradition filled with headache and stress to get to spend time with them. I want to believe my children will make time for me off and on all the days of the year simply because they want to be around me, and not because it's some messed up tradition and they feel like they "have to"...



I suppose tradition, and keeping it up can be great, but for those of us who do it, because we feel like we have to... WHY? Why do we feel like we have to? What will happen if we don't? Why would we cause ourself that kind of stress when life goes on weather we buy into it or not? If life can go on with the death of loved ones, the permanent loss of those we care for, they why cant it go on if we break thanksgiving protocol?

Well, these are just the rambling thoughts of an old fool who hopes your Thanksgiving was wonderful.