Why I don't go



I could write you a whole list of reasons why I don't go. Go where you ask.. Well.. Anywhere..

Some might think that they are excuses, and some get their feelings hurt because of how I am, and I hate that.. But I am who I am.

mama is always home, mama loves you, life on the plantation,



I guess to tell my story I'd have to tell you my back story. I was raised by absent parents. Not because they were off doing drugs and partying, but because they were chasing that dollar. The american dream. It would be too cold, to wet, too early. So I was always left home alone.

If they weren't at their day job, They were working side jobs. They are and have always been work-a-holics

My brother came along when I was 10 years old, so then I was left home alone with him.

But I always envied those kids who had parents that were always there. You go to school, you go to a friends house, It didn't matter how long you stayed gone, what time you came back, mama was always right where you left her.

I want to be that mama, My family doesn't consist of just the people I gave birth to, and the people they gave birth to. My family is extended and not all at the same place at the same time. For instance, this little fella that grew up with my brother, he is like a brother to me, he was at my house more than he was at his own house as a teen, today he stopped by, just randomly. He didn't knock, he just came on in. Cuz he is family that way. His wife of only a few months left him for another man recently and here is the first place he came when he finally got out and about and stopped thinking it out at home. I was here. He was welcomed with opened arms, and glad to see him faces.. We didn't talk too much about his problems, just talked, but I was here. He knew someone would be here. I was glad someone was.

That person I always went to, who was always happy to see me, no matter what time, no matter what the reason, was my grandma Eunice. It was comforting having that person. You didn't need to make an appointment to see, you didn't have to call ahead, you just knew you could go to grandma Eunice's house and she would be there and she would offer you food, and she would be thrilled to see you. While she was making your day a little bright she would have you convinced that your visit was the best thing that had happened to her all day. She ooozed love, and acceptance. That is the person I want to be.

With as many kids as we have had come through our lives, some who have never had any amount of consistency in their lives, no one they could depend on, no sense of family, I want to be dependable for them. They may not ever need me again in their lifetime, but if they ever do, I want to be right where they left me.

I spent my teen years in a place called Anneewakee, a place for troubled teens, and I spent that time in there with teens who had those stories of inconsistency and lack of parenting in their life and some where there because of drug issues, some where there for suicide attempts, some were there because they liked to cut themselves, or burn themselves, or whatever other thing they did to themselves. But sitting through therapy sessions with them taught me that most were there because they didn't feel loved at home, and had no one to turn to.
being available if the children need me, cosistency in parenting, dependable parenting

I don't know that my being right where they left me matters to anyone but me. But I have seen some dark things in my life, girls scarred up from self mutilating themselves for attention from parents who didn't care. I had a friend kill himself because he felt unloved. they majority of the kids in Annewakee were not there because they were bad kids, but because they were growing up in bad circumstances.

I may sit here alone til the day I die and they may never need that consistent, dependable smiling glad to see them face, another day in their life. But if me sitting home never going anywhere puts a smile on one depressed plantationites face, a feeling of love in their heart, if me being right where they left me when they come back gives one person a sense of security then I have put something good into the world.

It isn't that I am anti-social, or that I don't want to be around people. I love everyone. I love visiting with them, I will never make any person in my life feel unloved and unwelcome at my house. But if you want to see me, you got to come to my house to do it, cuz its important to me to be here. If any future or former plantationite needs to "come home" they always can.. I need them to know someone cares.

I guess to sum it all up I am a damaged human, I may seem weird to you.. Heck, sometimes I seem weird to me. But my unofficial brother stopping by today and telling me that this was the first time he had really left the house except for work since his wife left, was confirmation that this is where I need to be.

I need to be where those plantationites can find me at any given moment. You might find me drunk, you might find me sober, but it is guaranteed you will find me right where you left me and I will be thrilled to see you. People need a person like that in their life, I think.

They might be grown and gone and have no use for me anymore, but this mama/big sister will always for as long as life allows be right where they left her available for any drop by visit.

I apologize to those who cannot understand the reason I am the way I am. But It is just the way I roll...


melissa

Phasellus facilisis convallis metus, ut imperdiet augue auctor nec. Duis at velit id augue lobortis porta. Sed varius, enim accumsan aliquam tincidunt, tortor urna vulputate quam, eget finibus urna est in augue.

No comments:

Post a Comment

'; (function() { var dsq = document.createElement('script'); dsq.type = 'text/javascript'; dsq.async = true; dsq.src = '//' + disqus_shortname + '.disqus.com/embed.js'; (document.getElementsByTagName('head')[0] || document.getElementsByTagName('body')[0]).appendChild(dsq); })();

Why I don't go



I could write you a whole list of reasons why I don't go. Go where you ask.. Well.. Anywhere..

Some might think that they are excuses, and some get their feelings hurt because of how I am, and I hate that.. But I am who I am.

mama is always home, mama loves you, life on the plantation,



I guess to tell my story I'd have to tell you my back story. I was raised by absent parents. Not because they were off doing drugs and partying, but because they were chasing that dollar. The american dream. It would be too cold, to wet, too early. So I was always left home alone.

If they weren't at their day job, They were working side jobs. They are and have always been work-a-holics

My brother came along when I was 10 years old, so then I was left home alone with him.

But I always envied those kids who had parents that were always there. You go to school, you go to a friends house, It didn't matter how long you stayed gone, what time you came back, mama was always right where you left her.

I want to be that mama, My family doesn't consist of just the people I gave birth to, and the people they gave birth to. My family is extended and not all at the same place at the same time. For instance, this little fella that grew up with my brother, he is like a brother to me, he was at my house more than he was at his own house as a teen, today he stopped by, just randomly. He didn't knock, he just came on in. Cuz he is family that way. His wife of only a few months left him for another man recently and here is the first place he came when he finally got out and about and stopped thinking it out at home. I was here. He was welcomed with opened arms, and glad to see him faces.. We didn't talk too much about his problems, just talked, but I was here. He knew someone would be here. I was glad someone was.

That person I always went to, who was always happy to see me, no matter what time, no matter what the reason, was my grandma Eunice. It was comforting having that person. You didn't need to make an appointment to see, you didn't have to call ahead, you just knew you could go to grandma Eunice's house and she would be there and she would offer you food, and she would be thrilled to see you. While she was making your day a little bright she would have you convinced that your visit was the best thing that had happened to her all day. She ooozed love, and acceptance. That is the person I want to be.

With as many kids as we have had come through our lives, some who have never had any amount of consistency in their lives, no one they could depend on, no sense of family, I want to be dependable for them. They may not ever need me again in their lifetime, but if they ever do, I want to be right where they left me.

I spent my teen years in a place called Anneewakee, a place for troubled teens, and I spent that time in there with teens who had those stories of inconsistency and lack of parenting in their life and some where there because of drug issues, some where there for suicide attempts, some were there because they liked to cut themselves, or burn themselves, or whatever other thing they did to themselves. But sitting through therapy sessions with them taught me that most were there because they didn't feel loved at home, and had no one to turn to.
being available if the children need me, cosistency in parenting, dependable parenting

I don't know that my being right where they left me matters to anyone but me. But I have seen some dark things in my life, girls scarred up from self mutilating themselves for attention from parents who didn't care. I had a friend kill himself because he felt unloved. they majority of the kids in Annewakee were not there because they were bad kids, but because they were growing up in bad circumstances.

I may sit here alone til the day I die and they may never need that consistent, dependable smiling glad to see them face, another day in their life. But if me sitting home never going anywhere puts a smile on one depressed plantationites face, a feeling of love in their heart, if me being right where they left me when they come back gives one person a sense of security then I have put something good into the world.

It isn't that I am anti-social, or that I don't want to be around people. I love everyone. I love visiting with them, I will never make any person in my life feel unloved and unwelcome at my house. But if you want to see me, you got to come to my house to do it, cuz its important to me to be here. If any future or former plantationite needs to "come home" they always can.. I need them to know someone cares.

I guess to sum it all up I am a damaged human, I may seem weird to you.. Heck, sometimes I seem weird to me. But my unofficial brother stopping by today and telling me that this was the first time he had really left the house except for work since his wife left, was confirmation that this is where I need to be.

I need to be where those plantationites can find me at any given moment. You might find me drunk, you might find me sober, but it is guaranteed you will find me right where you left me and I will be thrilled to see you. People need a person like that in their life, I think.

They might be grown and gone and have no use for me anymore, but this mama/big sister will always for as long as life allows be right where they left her available for any drop by visit.

I apologize to those who cannot understand the reason I am the way I am. But It is just the way I roll...


No comments :

Post a Comment


Back To School Sitewide Promotion, Ends: Aug 28@Tomtop.com